Life hasn’t been going well. Ever since June Holidays started the textbooks were immediately chalked off my to-do list and every spec of informative dust was swept into the farthest corners of my mind. The beginning of the holidays was like a trigger for the automatic shut down of my brain, once began, impossible to stop. I find myself wandering through realms of imagination instead of assiduous studying for my Mid-Year examinations.
Even now, I should be curled up warmly in the comforts of my bed, instead of staring at the screen and typing away my frustration for the whole world to see. The balmy weather has gotten me lazy, and to top off my wonderful day, my stomach began assaulting me in the evening in a malicious attempt at my life. You can expect me to be in a foul mood tomorrow, no doubt.
Rumors are flying about that people around me are working off litres of sweat to go through every single one of the practice papers for English Oral, and that really adds to the immense pressure that is already suffocating me. Moreover, I’m lagging horribly behind in all of my eight heavy subjects and I don’t have an iota of motivation to study them. In addition to academic stress, I find that I seem to have lost contact with the people around me as well. While I concede that this happens every once in a while and one does get used to it, it nevertheless affects my mood and emotions.
What I seem to be stressed about can seem perfectly superficial, but underneath are so many more undercurrents that I cannot express or bring up. For now, getting the tangible pressure off my shoulders is enough. To really unload I will have to call up my pastor and start my confession all over again even though said pastor has heard it a million times. O.O
Anyway, it’s time to go and work out some answers for my Oral tomorrow, to assuage my meaningless worries. At least I’ll sleep easy tonight.
Wednesday, 28 May 2008
Quotation of the Day
"I put all my genius into my life; I put only my talent into my works." --Oscar Wilde
I wish I had that much genius and talent...I just don't have enough to meet both ends right now.
I wish I had that much genius and talent...I just don't have enough to meet both ends right now.
Tuesday, 27 May 2008
My Own Two Cents
Perhaps I should have been more tactful and given my full three minutes in quiet prayer for the broken families, broken homes, broken people in Sze Chuan, but more than two weeks have passed and life didn’t seem to stop at 512.
Then again, life shouldn’t always be downcast, even in the most delirious situations. In tumultous pain there’s always the yang side of it. That’s why, in the same footsteps that we tread in dilapidation we celebrate the joy for our survivors and dance for the heroes of our nation. More than ten thousands have died in Mother Nature’s wrath, many more permanently damaged for life and the rest traumatized beyond redemption. And the number of lives lost just keeps rolling in every other day as more people are reported missing.
But, as my father always says, crying does not help the situation. After you’ve cried and vented your feelings, it’s time to get off your lazy arse and get to work. In this instance, you don’t even have the time to cry. The clock goes tick-tock every second without fail or falter, and with every minute, more who were trying to hold on lets goes of their last thread of hope under the collapsed buildings. They just want to be rescued and we want to rescue them.
This short post is dedicated to the people in Sze Chuan, though I don’t think they will ever see this. Humans are humans, and we’ll get through this together, no matter what. Maybe I won’t, at least not personally, but people who matter will, and that’s all I need to know.
Then again, life shouldn’t always be downcast, even in the most delirious situations. In tumultous pain there’s always the yang side of it. That’s why, in the same footsteps that we tread in dilapidation we celebrate the joy for our survivors and dance for the heroes of our nation. More than ten thousands have died in Mother Nature’s wrath, many more permanently damaged for life and the rest traumatized beyond redemption. And the number of lives lost just keeps rolling in every other day as more people are reported missing.
But, as my father always says, crying does not help the situation. After you’ve cried and vented your feelings, it’s time to get off your lazy arse and get to work. In this instance, you don’t even have the time to cry. The clock goes tick-tock every second without fail or falter, and with every minute, more who were trying to hold on lets goes of their last thread of hope under the collapsed buildings. They just want to be rescued and we want to rescue them.
This short post is dedicated to the people in Sze Chuan, though I don’t think they will ever see this. Humans are humans, and we’ll get through this together, no matter what. Maybe I won’t, at least not personally, but people who matter will, and that’s all I need to know.
Monday, 26 May 2008
My Mess
Before you, my life was a mess.
After you, my life was still a mess, in a more organized sort of way.
After you, my life was still a mess, in a more organized sort of way.
Thursday, 22 May 2008
Happy Birthday to You
Birthdays come and go faster than you can sing 'Happy Birthday'. Nevertheless, they are memorable, even if for a fleeting moment -- precious for the care that your circle of friends exhibit around you and the love (not to mention presents) you are showered with.
Birthday wishes to (in chronological order) Alicia, Christopher and Ashley. Their birthdays came in a barrage of dates, hectic and rushed. The cakes looked positively lovely, adorned with simple chocolate bits that simply adds to the embellishment of the cake perfectly. To add the icing on the cake, all of them were chocolate! For a more illustrative (completed with pictures) of their excitement-filled birthdays, click on Profile and Link yourself to Emma's blog. You won't be disappointed. ;)
Personally, birthdays to me is one of those cherished days that provides you with the perfect opportunity to remind your friends just how much you treasure them. On a certain level, it gives the receiver warmth and happiness that no amount of presents could ever possibly replace and it brings joy to a whole new level. I've had the experience and loved it.
The camaraderie I have with the girls; sometimes I reflect on my actions and I wonder what kind of rapport we have for them to actually have the capacity to accept me for my worth. And vice versa, of course. Then I realize I don't really want to delve that deep and dissect every single aspect of the many reasons. I'm contented where I am and what I have and despite the insecurity I feel at times, the knowledge of what I have already acquired remains dulcet to my ears.
Most of the time I don't know how to express my gratitude -- or any other mushy feelings for the matter -- but when I do, it comes out all wrong and, I quote, "so philosophical". Chinese culture has taught me that I should not portray myself as Truth or the spokesperson of Truth. I agree wholeheartedly. But how else do I bring across my feelings? Or maybe, you guys have already felt it.
Confidence and exuberance can be faked, ethereal can be imitated, but underneath the facade, one has the insecurity that we all feel when we try to survive and outwit the odds stacked against us. The girls are a constant reminder, however, because they touch me within the depths of my shallow heart and give me courage like the belief the lion in Wizard of Oz had in his medal.
My birthday cards may be short and simple or long and lengthy, but in the end, I just hope I have given just as much to you as you have given me. If not, it is a pity that I am that incompetent. You may guffaw and you may smirk, but think again before you comment on what I have said.
You may be insouciant to birthdays, but they are emblematic to me.
Birthday wishes to (in chronological order) Alicia, Christopher and Ashley. Their birthdays came in a barrage of dates, hectic and rushed. The cakes looked positively lovely, adorned with simple chocolate bits that simply adds to the embellishment of the cake perfectly. To add the icing on the cake, all of them were chocolate! For a more illustrative (completed with pictures) of their excitement-filled birthdays, click on Profile and Link yourself to Emma's blog. You won't be disappointed. ;)
Personally, birthdays to me is one of those cherished days that provides you with the perfect opportunity to remind your friends just how much you treasure them. On a certain level, it gives the receiver warmth and happiness that no amount of presents could ever possibly replace and it brings joy to a whole new level. I've had the experience and loved it.
The camaraderie I have with the girls; sometimes I reflect on my actions and I wonder what kind of rapport we have for them to actually have the capacity to accept me for my worth. And vice versa, of course. Then I realize I don't really want to delve that deep and dissect every single aspect of the many reasons. I'm contented where I am and what I have and despite the insecurity I feel at times, the knowledge of what I have already acquired remains dulcet to my ears.
Most of the time I don't know how to express my gratitude -- or any other mushy feelings for the matter -- but when I do, it comes out all wrong and, I quote, "so philosophical". Chinese culture has taught me that I should not portray myself as Truth or the spokesperson of Truth. I agree wholeheartedly. But how else do I bring across my feelings? Or maybe, you guys have already felt it.
Confidence and exuberance can be faked, ethereal can be imitated, but underneath the facade, one has the insecurity that we all feel when we try to survive and outwit the odds stacked against us. The girls are a constant reminder, however, because they touch me within the depths of my shallow heart and give me courage like the belief the lion in Wizard of Oz had in his medal.
My birthday cards may be short and simple or long and lengthy, but in the end, I just hope I have given just as much to you as you have given me. If not, it is a pity that I am that incompetent. You may guffaw and you may smirk, but think again before you comment on what I have said.
You may be insouciant to birthdays, but they are emblematic to me.
Saturday, 10 May 2008
Hectic
Friday was crazy; I felt like I was in four places at once. Skipping the mundane details of my lesssons in the morning, I fled the classroom at 12.30pm, off to Nicole's classroom and we left together for Tampines. I broke away from the group at Simei, to drop off my bag and some of Nicole's stuff.
Within minutes I was out of the house, a sling bag slung across my shoulder and caught the MRT to Tampines. We met again at LJS, and I would strongly recommend you not to go there. It's not that the food doesn't taste good or anything, but it's just...everything's fried. Forgive me for being such a health freak, but I do not want to get cancer, thank you very much. Eating at LJS once in a while is fine, just not too often.
Speed Racer was nothing like I've expected. When I read the summary, I thought it was oh, just gonna be some show about racing for something, and then the person gets it, everyone's happy...smile smile, cheer, cheer. Nah. I laughed my guts out. Though the whole movie was simply just too bright. I was seeing stars after I left the cinema.
It was 5pm when it ended, and I rushed home for a quick bath and left the house promptly at 5.40pm. Took bus 14 all the way to Siglap to deliver MQ's present and caught 12 back to tuition in Simei.
Reached home at 9.10pm.
I'm tired.
Within minutes I was out of the house, a sling bag slung across my shoulder and caught the MRT to Tampines. We met again at LJS, and I would strongly recommend you not to go there. It's not that the food doesn't taste good or anything, but it's just...everything's fried. Forgive me for being such a health freak, but I do not want to get cancer, thank you very much. Eating at LJS once in a while is fine, just not too often.
Speed Racer was nothing like I've expected. When I read the summary, I thought it was oh, just gonna be some show about racing for something, and then the person gets it, everyone's happy...smile smile, cheer, cheer. Nah. I laughed my guts out. Though the whole movie was simply just too bright. I was seeing stars after I left the cinema.
It was 5pm when it ended, and I rushed home for a quick bath and left the house promptly at 5.40pm. Took bus 14 all the way to Siglap to deliver MQ's present and caught 12 back to tuition in Simei.
Reached home at 9.10pm.
I'm tired.
Wednesday, 7 May 2008
Life in General
I'd wanted to blog a couple of times over the past few weeks, but the computer was PMSing and refused to let me in to Blogger. When you've got a laptop as temperamental as mine, you just gotta learn to deal with it.
But all that's in the past, so let's blog about today.
In summary, Coach D invited a couple of ex-students over; currently studying in various JCs, and practically displayed their lives on stage for us. During the ‘talk show’, a whole range of emotions was played out, from highly enthusiastic to plain regret. Though there were only three students, it was enough to categorize them. One was fitting in snugly into his new surroundings; one was busy burying her head in books and self-upgradation, while the last one was still harbouring feelings of regret when the choice was irreversible.
Which one will you become?
Moving on. I headed home after school today, fully expecting a relaxed and comfortable afternoon, and got exactly that. Can’t say that I feel guilty for not studying, though. Somehow, I knew that if I didn’t take this break, I would never take it. Thursdays and Fridays are out of the question, and my weekends are reserved for intense revision. It’s now or never, and I chose now. People are fretting over how much they still have left, but I think it’s time to realise that we will always have a lot of things left to study. Don’t forget to smile and take a break if you know you have been giving your best all the while. If you haven’t, it’s not too late to start feeling guilty now.
I’ve been trying to adopt a nonchalant attitude towards my studies recently, and so far, it’s been working pretty well for me. I feel less stressed and my marks are steadily improving. I’ve been trying out different tactics for a while now, and just like the stock markets, it’s given me unpredictable results. It’s a great risk to try this out only this year, but I believe I can safely say that I only became less like a child in the beginning of this semester.
I came to a lot of revelations and realisations only recently. It’s helped a lot, it has jolted me awake, and I’ve been trying to make the best out of it as much as I can. Too bad How to Live Your Life isn’t a topic commonly approached by teachers. We just gotta catch up ourselves. But it’s an interesting topic, and unfortunately I’ve only seen the tip of the iceberg. Then again, I quote freakyAngel, “I just take them as they come.” There’s no use being impatient – in the meanwhile, you can spend your time somewhere else that needs it more than this current sector. It’ll make the wait seem a whole lot shorter.
And as much as I would like to continue expounding on this topic, I’m still a daughter and my mother is hurrying me to finish up whatever I’m doing so we can head out for dinner. My stomach agrees, so bye.
But all that's in the past, so let's blog about today.
In summary, Coach D invited a couple of ex-students over; currently studying in various JCs, and practically displayed their lives on stage for us. During the ‘talk show’, a whole range of emotions was played out, from highly enthusiastic to plain regret. Though there were only three students, it was enough to categorize them. One was fitting in snugly into his new surroundings; one was busy burying her head in books and self-upgradation, while the last one was still harbouring feelings of regret when the choice was irreversible.
Which one will you become?
Moving on. I headed home after school today, fully expecting a relaxed and comfortable afternoon, and got exactly that. Can’t say that I feel guilty for not studying, though. Somehow, I knew that if I didn’t take this break, I would never take it. Thursdays and Fridays are out of the question, and my weekends are reserved for intense revision. It’s now or never, and I chose now. People are fretting over how much they still have left, but I think it’s time to realise that we will always have a lot of things left to study. Don’t forget to smile and take a break if you know you have been giving your best all the while. If you haven’t, it’s not too late to start feeling guilty now.
I’ve been trying to adopt a nonchalant attitude towards my studies recently, and so far, it’s been working pretty well for me. I feel less stressed and my marks are steadily improving. I’ve been trying out different tactics for a while now, and just like the stock markets, it’s given me unpredictable results. It’s a great risk to try this out only this year, but I believe I can safely say that I only became less like a child in the beginning of this semester.
I came to a lot of revelations and realisations only recently. It’s helped a lot, it has jolted me awake, and I’ve been trying to make the best out of it as much as I can. Too bad How to Live Your Life isn’t a topic commonly approached by teachers. We just gotta catch up ourselves. But it’s an interesting topic, and unfortunately I’ve only seen the tip of the iceberg. Then again, I quote freakyAngel, “I just take them as they come.” There’s no use being impatient – in the meanwhile, you can spend your time somewhere else that needs it more than this current sector. It’ll make the wait seem a whole lot shorter.
And as much as I would like to continue expounding on this topic, I’m still a daughter and my mother is hurrying me to finish up whatever I’m doing so we can head out for dinner. My stomach agrees, so bye.
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