Scream

No, this isn't about the famous picture with that ugly woman who sends shivers down my spine everytime I see her.

This is what I had written when I was drowning in self-pity.

--

The worst kind of pain you can experience is not of those that you yourself go through. The real pain is when you watch someone you love fall into despair. There is only so much you can do. She falls down into that bottomless pit before I could get a firm hold of her hand. I can only stand at the edge of the pit, cringing at her tortured scream as she continues falling... Time cease to exist and it doesn't end. You can do nothing about it.

Yet someone else stands beside me, sniggering at the fate of the fallen woman. She thinks it's a joke. Is it? She doesn't know. She doesn't know that the hysterical scream will never end and her guilt will never dissipate. She doesn't know what she has caused, but the ball had started rolling. It would be over before she knew it started.

I can only stand and watch. Two pathways form themselves from my eyes to my jaw. Then, they stop abruptly. As I lean over the edge, my tears drip straight into the pit to pacify the resounding shriek.

"I'm sorry I couldn't save you."

"I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to save you."

"I'm sorry that I didn't have the courage to jump down this goddamn pit to join you."

"I'm sorry I'm so selfish."

But, please survive. Because until the deafening scream stops, my eyes will never stop bleeding for you.

It's painful to suffer, but it's excruciating to watch someone you love fall from grace.

--

Incoherent, I know. But who the heck thinks properly when you're in an emotional maelstrom?